Baby Talk

As I sit here looking at my intelligent, beautiful niece (3 years old) I find myself thinking, "Aw....I want one!"  Not soon after, however, I'm ready to smack myself for thinking so ridiculously.  I have no idea where these thoughts came from, but I can say that several times in the past year or so, I have thought (and even daydreamed) about being pregnant and the joys and woes of raising and loving a child.  It may a thing that comes with age, I'll be 25 soon.  And yeah, everyone knows that scientific research indicates that after the age of 30, women have a more difficult time getting pregnant and giving birth.  Well.  I don't know what to think about that.  It is a scary thought that in 5 years or so my chances of giving birth are lowered substantially.  WTF?!  I am in no position -- financially, mentally, romantically -- to even BEGIN planning for a child.

Call me old fashion, but I LIVE by the phrase "first comes loves, then comes marriage..."  I mean I learned that at a very young age and it just kinda stuck.  This posting in no shape, form, or fashion is intended to frown upon women who have had children and are raising them to the best of their abilities.  I applaud you ladies!  I know a lot of women who love being mothers, hence the reason sometimes I want to be one.  I have some very intelligent, strong-willed friends who, while they didn't exactly plan their pregnancy, are doing the whole parenting thing EFFORTLESSLY, while remaining FLY!  They, in many ways, are learning tools for me, because when the time does indeed present itself, I have seen it done.  Whether singly or with both parents there.  With some many black women being single and having such hard times trying to find a mate, many women and looking to have kids and do it by themselves.  I'm just not ready.  From the day I was born until I was a teenager, my parents were together....married.  Although the marriage didn't last, what did remain with me (and I like to think with my siblings, as well) was the strength of family.  The importance of the roles of husband and wife.

Last weekend, at the the hair salon a woman came in with a 3 week old baby.  My hair dresser asked me, "Kiah, are you ready?"  H-Naw!  (lol)  This led to an interesting discussion.  She has a 12 year old son and while her and the father are no longer together, they peacefully interact, merely for the sake of the kid.  She told me that there was a time when they were so deeply in loved (or at least she'd thought) and couldn't have imagined being with anyone else.  He was the man she was supposed to spend her life with.  They planned their child and even hoped to have another once he'd gotten older.  Well.....people change and things change.  She literally cannot stand him now (lol).  While she respects and appreciates what he does for his son, she doesn't think it's enough.  They hardly even get along well enough to have remained friends after their long term relationship. 

She said some real thought-provoking stuff to me.  She told me that I should continue to live by my "creed" about waiting until marriage to have kids.  If I can paraphrase, she also told me that when you have kids pre-marriage you have no idea what is going to happen with the 2 adults of the situation.  Hormones change.  Attitudes change.  Maturity levels change (because now you have this precious life in your hands).  The situation could potentially change entirely.  This isn't the case with every situation.  But it is very common.  I can think of many people with this same issue.  She went on to say, when you are married first the two of you are committed to each other already.  And every knows it, because you've said these vows in front of God and mad family members.  The two of you have so much love and reverence for each other that you can bring another human being into the world and share your abundance of love with.  In her words, "ain't no running away from each other". 

And again this isn't the case every time.  But it made sense to me.  I always said that when (or if) I get married it's for good.  A one time (lifetime) deal!  I had honestly been sitting around thinking that in case I never get married, I'd better start thinking about having kids within the next 5 years.  Ain't it crazy how God sends messages in the form of other people.  I haven't seen this particular hair dresser in over a year!  Imagine that!

So with all this being said, I'm still sticking to my guns.  I plan to wait until after marriage to have kids and start a family.  Whether it be 5 years or 10 years (Oh, Lord!!!!) from now, I know that what God has for me is for me.  And thy will will be done.  Yes, it is difficult to fathom the thought of never having a child, but hey, it's hard to imagine death, but that happens too.  If it is meant for me (and my future husband) to bring a child into this world, I am certain that it will be for the right reasons.  And with all the love that we will have for each other, we will be able to share that love with a child (or children) and hopefully bring them up in the same way.  I do not have to SETTLE (though I am sure the rewards of being a Mommy would outweigh any thoughts of "settlement") and have a child now with any old guy who may or may not be my husband or an actual father to my unborn child.  There is light at the end of the tunnel.

Be blessed.
K. Rod.