As I sit here looking at my intelligent, beautiful niece (3 years old) I find myself thinking, "Aw....I want one!" Not soon after, however, I'm ready to smack myself for thinking so ridiculously. I have no idea where these thoughts came from, but I can say that several times in the past year or so, I have thought (and even daydreamed) about being pregnant and the joys and woes of raising and loving a child. It may a thing that comes with age, I'll be 25 soon. And yeah, everyone knows that scientific research indicates that after the age of 30, women have a more difficult time getting pregnant and giving birth. Well. I don't know what to think about that. It is a scary thought that in 5 years or so my chances of giving birth are lowered substantially. WTF?! I am in no position -- financially, mentally, romantically -- to even BEGIN planning for a child.
Call me old fashion, but I LIVE by the phrase "first comes loves, then comes marriage..." I mean I learned that at a very young age and it just kinda stuck. This posting in no shape, form, or fashion is intended to frown upon women who have had children and are raising them to the best of their abilities. I applaud you ladies! I know a lot of women who love being mothers, hence the reason sometimes I want to be one. I have some very intelligent, strong-willed friends who, while they didn't exactly plan their pregnancy, are doing the whole parenting thing EFFORTLESSLY, while remaining FLY! They, in many ways, are learning tools for me, because when the time does indeed present itself, I have seen it done. Whether singly or with both parents there. With some many black women being single and having such hard times trying to find a mate, many women and looking to have kids and do it by themselves. I'm just not ready. From the day I was born until I was a teenager, my parents were together....married. Although the marriage didn't last, what did remain with me (and I like to think with my siblings, as well) was the strength of family. The importance of the roles of husband and wife.
Last weekend, at the the hair salon a woman came in with a 3 week old baby. My hair dresser asked me, "Kiah, are you ready?" H-Naw! (lol) This led to an interesting discussion. She has a 12 year old son and while her and the father are no longer together, they peacefully interact, merely for the sake of the kid. She told me that there was a time when they were so deeply in loved (or at least she'd thought) and couldn't have imagined being with anyone else. He was the man she was supposed to spend her life with. They planned their child and even hoped to have another once he'd gotten older. Well.....people change and things change. She literally cannot stand him now (lol). While she respects and appreciates what he does for his son, she doesn't think it's enough. They hardly even get along well enough to have remained friends after their long term relationship.
She said some real thought-provoking stuff to me. She told me that I should continue to live by my "creed" about waiting until marriage to have kids. If I can paraphrase, she also told me that when you have kids pre-marriage you have no idea what is going to happen with the 2 adults of the situation. Hormones change. Attitudes change. Maturity levels change (because now you have this precious life in your hands). The situation could potentially change entirely. This isn't the case with every situation. But it is very common. I can think of many people with this same issue. She went on to say, when you are married first the two of you are committed to each other already. And every knows it, because you've said these vows in front of God and mad family members. The two of you have so much love and reverence for each other that you can bring another human being into the world and share your abundance of love with. In her words, "ain't no running away from each other".
And again this isn't the case every time. But it made sense to me. I always said that when (or if) I get married it's for good. A one time (lifetime) deal! I had honestly been sitting around thinking that in case I never get married, I'd better start thinking about having kids within the next 5 years. Ain't it crazy how God sends messages in the form of other people. I haven't seen this particular hair dresser in over a year! Imagine that!
So with all this being said, I'm still sticking to my guns. I plan to wait until after marriage to have kids and start a family. Whether it be 5 years or 10 years (Oh, Lord!!!!) from now, I know that what God has for me is for me. And thy will will be done. Yes, it is difficult to fathom the thought of never having a child, but hey, it's hard to imagine death, but that happens too. If it is meant for me (and my future husband) to bring a child into this world, I am certain that it will be for the right reasons. And with all the love that we will have for each other, we will be able to share that love with a child (or children) and hopefully bring them up in the same way. I do not have to SETTLE (though I am sure the rewards of being a Mommy would outweigh any thoughts of "settlement") and have a child now with any old guy who may or may not be my husband or an actual father to my unborn child. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
Be blessed.
K. Rod.
Friday, November 26, 2010
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Being Single and Thanksgiving. #Random
Single. What's so bad about that lil 6 letter word. Just because I'm single does not mean that I can't FIND a man....in fact it means the OPPOSITE! A man (that I want as well) has yet to find me. People think that being single is all about having pity parties with girlfriends, eating ice cream, watching Waiting to Exhale, talking about how niggas ain't shit! Naw, not at all. I have been single since February 2009....no I decided to stop dealing with bullshit in February 2009. I can have any man that I want, or at least I think I can, lol. But instead, I use this time to 1) reflect, 2) learn more about myself, and 3) spend time with family and friends.
1. Reflection
I'd sit around and (over) analyze what I did wrong in my 3 year relationship that brought it to its end. I went over almost EVERY aspect of the relationship in my head trying to figure out where we went wrong. I, as most women do, blamed myself. And overtime, with some guidance from God, I started to realize that I, Kiah Shani, Rodriguez, did everything right! Ok, maybe that's an over exaggeration, because I was still learning an some things weren't always done tastefully and with tact. But I now know that I was not the cause of the break up. I put in 110% (as I do with every relationship) and at the end of the day it was ultimately him that ended the relationship. That is a strong statement. It may not have been him as a person, but it was some quality he had or didn't have that led to the end. SO what I did was reflect on myself. Thinking of the different situations we went through and exploring other avenues I could have taken to handle them. I put up with mad BS and I can't even explain why I stayed. My reflection brought me to a clearly understanding of who I am and how I love.
2. Learning
After almost 25 years on Earth, I am just NOW becoming to know myself. I don't know what an ample amount of time is to learn yourself, but I think that's a pretty long time. No regrets though. My experiences brought me to this clearer understanding. So here goes. I am Kiah. I am a Gemini and am learning to control my ugly side (hard work). No one ever taught me how to love a man romantically or talked to me about sex and the feelings associated with it. I learned what I know about relationships, life, and love from experiences of myself and people closest to me. I don't look down on my parents for never having these important conversations with me, but I know what I would need to do with my daughter. I love extremely hard! I give my all to relationships and friendships and oftentimes I end up hurt because of that. I have tried to give "less" of myself to people, but I can't. That is just me. I treat people how I want to be treated. The Golden Rule.....We learn that in what? First grade? If this makes me a bad person, then I apologize to those I've hurt or wronged along the way. I am very impatient, but I'm working on it. I hold made grudges, but I'm working on it (I reached out to my sis this month....haven't spoken to her in 2 years). I am not perfect. I'm not siddity. I come from nothing. Literally. I love my family and the few friends that I have. I'm working to secure a stable future for myself and my family.
3. Spending Time
When you are in a relationship it is easy to get so lost in your partner that you forget everyone else. I have been working on strengthening friendships and family ties. After you've been hurt by your partner, all you have is friends and family. And though YOU may not have reached out as much or you didn't notice their presence.....they were there all along! Supporting you, not judging you, praying for you. Family and friends will ALWAYS be there. Waiting for you to come to your senses.
With Thanksgiving tomorrow, it is only right that I say what I am thankful for. today this guy was telling me that Thanksgiving is a joke because of it's historical background. Blah. BLah. BLAH. Thanksgiving is a time for reflection, learning, and spending time w/ family and friends. Silly Rabbit!
I am thankful for:
Life.
Breath in my body.
Forgiveness.
Love. :)
Mercy.
Grace.
Friends (you know who you are)
Family (all ya'll!!!)
Opportunity.
Education.
My apartment.
My car.
My $.
My blessings.
Happy Thanksgiving.
Be Blessed.
1. Reflection
I'd sit around and (over) analyze what I did wrong in my 3 year relationship that brought it to its end. I went over almost EVERY aspect of the relationship in my head trying to figure out where we went wrong. I, as most women do, blamed myself. And overtime, with some guidance from God, I started to realize that I, Kiah Shani, Rodriguez, did everything right! Ok, maybe that's an over exaggeration, because I was still learning an some things weren't always done tastefully and with tact. But I now know that I was not the cause of the break up. I put in 110% (as I do with every relationship) and at the end of the day it was ultimately him that ended the relationship. That is a strong statement. It may not have been him as a person, but it was some quality he had or didn't have that led to the end. SO what I did was reflect on myself. Thinking of the different situations we went through and exploring other avenues I could have taken to handle them. I put up with mad BS and I can't even explain why I stayed. My reflection brought me to a clearly understanding of who I am and how I love.
2. Learning
After almost 25 years on Earth, I am just NOW becoming to know myself. I don't know what an ample amount of time is to learn yourself, but I think that's a pretty long time. No regrets though. My experiences brought me to this clearer understanding. So here goes. I am Kiah. I am a Gemini and am learning to control my ugly side (hard work). No one ever taught me how to love a man romantically or talked to me about sex and the feelings associated with it. I learned what I know about relationships, life, and love from experiences of myself and people closest to me. I don't look down on my parents for never having these important conversations with me, but I know what I would need to do with my daughter. I love extremely hard! I give my all to relationships and friendships and oftentimes I end up hurt because of that. I have tried to give "less" of myself to people, but I can't. That is just me. I treat people how I want to be treated. The Golden Rule.....We learn that in what? First grade? If this makes me a bad person, then I apologize to those I've hurt or wronged along the way. I am very impatient, but I'm working on it. I hold made grudges, but I'm working on it (I reached out to my sis this month....haven't spoken to her in 2 years). I am not perfect. I'm not siddity. I come from nothing. Literally. I love my family and the few friends that I have. I'm working to secure a stable future for myself and my family.
3. Spending Time
When you are in a relationship it is easy to get so lost in your partner that you forget everyone else. I have been working on strengthening friendships and family ties. After you've been hurt by your partner, all you have is friends and family. And though YOU may not have reached out as much or you didn't notice their presence.....they were there all along! Supporting you, not judging you, praying for you. Family and friends will ALWAYS be there. Waiting for you to come to your senses.
With Thanksgiving tomorrow, it is only right that I say what I am thankful for. today this guy was telling me that Thanksgiving is a joke because of it's historical background. Blah. BLah. BLAH. Thanksgiving is a time for reflection, learning, and spending time w/ family and friends. Silly Rabbit!
I am thankful for:
Life.
Breath in my body.
Forgiveness.
Love. :)
Mercy.
Grace.
Friends (you know who you are)
Family (all ya'll!!!)
Opportunity.
Education.
My apartment.
My car.
My $.
My blessings.
Happy Thanksgiving.
Be Blessed.
Girls. Girls. Girls.
Girls. Women. Chicks. Whatever you prefer to be called. We need to talk. As women, we are known nurturers, caretakers, and lovers. Lately I have been seeing more and more degradation of the female species. From men, yes. But more so from our own kind. Whether it's degrading another or degrading self. We GOTS to do better. There are several points that I would like to make, in hopes that this will reach someone and help them.
1. Sex. Sex is a good feeling, yes. We all know this. But sex is not the end all to happiness. I can speak from personal experience and openly say that, yes, I have had my share of partners, and even some "hoe tendencies" (yeah, I said it, don't judge). But from my experiences I am able to grow and learn things that are unacceptable. Such as, different partners almost every day of the week (not that I've done that). You feel empowered because even though the nigga has a girl you can call him and he will be over in less than an hour. But actually, he has the power. He knows that you know of his situation, yet you are willing to overlook that for a night of passion (or lack thereof, lol). Then you looking sad faced when he's parading his relationship around. Well, what did you expect? You don't run shit! Only thing you are doing is enabling a man to cheat on his girl: something you despise....WHEN YOU'RE THE ONE BEING CHEATED ON! Women, it is time to take responsibility. Not only is the whole sleeping around thing unladylike, but it's dangerous. There are too many diseases going around to be involved with multiple partners. Get some balls and learn to live with yourself. You do not need sex to validate you. What kind of validation is it providing anyway? That you're a good screw? You got that wet wet? Things become more trivial as you grow. I'm not judging....been there done that, learn from it, moved on. You know that empty feeling you get when he leaves.....the feeling that eats at your stomach....yeah, that's a sign, my dear. I'm just trying to help you put it into perspective. :)
2. Dress. Okay, a lot of women are dressing less and less and more skimpier. For what I don't know. It is okay to be "fancy" fully dressed. I hardly ever dressed provocatively, but I know I look DAMN good. I'm tired of seeing your ass, breasts or whatever else you feel like showing that night. Do we do this to get the eye of men? And if so, what do we expect he will want after seeing us exposed? Again, my advice....have some respect! And another thing: STOP wearing your label on your forehead. I'm so sick of hearing girls brag about their Bebe, Polo, Juicy outfits....O-V-E-R-I-T! First and foremost, if you got it at TJ Maxx, Marshalls, or Burlington you ain't pay anything CLOSE to regular price. And there is nothing wrong with shopping at those places if that's what you want. But damn, quit "faking it" cause we know you not "making it". Second of all, I'm confused....is it the brand that makes you FLy or are you NATURALLY FLY (like me lol). The clothes make you? Oh, ok! I get it. Well me, I'mma put together an outfit and you may NEVER know what brand it is or if it's a brand at all, but you know what, I make that shit look good! Women think that material things are the things that put you above the competition. No, sweetie, it's your intellect. The way you carry yourself. The way you light up a room when you step into REGARDLESS of what brand you have on. It's your personality, the love that you have for yourself that at anytime you can share with someone else who meets proper criteria. Oh, that's not it? Maybe it's just me. Moving on...
3. Ladies, why is it that we cannot celebrate another woman's successes or praise her for simply being beautiful. I have no problem admitting that a girl is doing her thing if she indeed is. If she doing something better than me, I can acknowledge that. I am no hater. Not bitter. Enjoy being in my own skin. Am confident in myself. And also know when I see a woman on her shit! What's the point of hating or looking down on her? Step YOUR game up....get on HER level. Stop being so damn bitter! You chicks kill me!
4. Stop trying to be the KING of your relationship. You cannot rule anyone. If a man is willing to stray, then either you haven't been doing what you are supposed to do, or he just isn't ready to be committed. Going through his phone, email, FB, Twitter all are signs of mistrust. If you don't trust him you don't need him! Do you seriously think that by NAGGING him about this girl or that girl or why he didn't answer your phone call are ways to get him to fall madly in love with you? I'll be the first to tell you it doesn't. It does, however, change a man....changes him into a man that doesn't wanna be bothered with you. A man who will never take you seriously or "wife" you. I am single and really cannot give extensive relationship advice. But I am single because I refuse to put up with the foolishness. Be a strong woman and walk away. If your relationship has more downs than ups, it's probably time to walk away. Remain a lady at ALL timems and in ALL you do! Act like a queen. Maybe your King will come around.
I have so much more to talk about with you, ladies. But for now I'll end here.
Be blessed.
K. Rod.
To be continued....
1. Sex. Sex is a good feeling, yes. We all know this. But sex is not the end all to happiness. I can speak from personal experience and openly say that, yes, I have had my share of partners, and even some "hoe tendencies" (yeah, I said it, don't judge). But from my experiences I am able to grow and learn things that are unacceptable. Such as, different partners almost every day of the week (not that I've done that). You feel empowered because even though the nigga has a girl you can call him and he will be over in less than an hour. But actually, he has the power. He knows that you know of his situation, yet you are willing to overlook that for a night of passion (or lack thereof, lol). Then you looking sad faced when he's parading his relationship around. Well, what did you expect? You don't run shit! Only thing you are doing is enabling a man to cheat on his girl: something you despise....WHEN YOU'RE THE ONE BEING CHEATED ON! Women, it is time to take responsibility. Not only is the whole sleeping around thing unladylike, but it's dangerous. There are too many diseases going around to be involved with multiple partners. Get some balls and learn to live with yourself. You do not need sex to validate you. What kind of validation is it providing anyway? That you're a good screw? You got that wet wet? Things become more trivial as you grow. I'm not judging....been there done that, learn from it, moved on. You know that empty feeling you get when he leaves.....the feeling that eats at your stomach....yeah, that's a sign, my dear. I'm just trying to help you put it into perspective. :)
2. Dress. Okay, a lot of women are dressing less and less and more skimpier. For what I don't know. It is okay to be "fancy" fully dressed. I hardly ever dressed provocatively, but I know I look DAMN good. I'm tired of seeing your ass, breasts or whatever else you feel like showing that night. Do we do this to get the eye of men? And if so, what do we expect he will want after seeing us exposed? Again, my advice....have some respect! And another thing: STOP wearing your label on your forehead. I'm so sick of hearing girls brag about their Bebe, Polo, Juicy outfits....O-V-E-R-I-T! First and foremost, if you got it at TJ Maxx, Marshalls, or Burlington you ain't pay anything CLOSE to regular price. And there is nothing wrong with shopping at those places if that's what you want. But damn, quit "faking it" cause we know you not "making it". Second of all, I'm confused....is it the brand that makes you FLy or are you NATURALLY FLY (like me lol). The clothes make you? Oh, ok! I get it. Well me, I'mma put together an outfit and you may NEVER know what brand it is or if it's a brand at all, but you know what, I make that shit look good! Women think that material things are the things that put you above the competition. No, sweetie, it's your intellect. The way you carry yourself. The way you light up a room when you step into REGARDLESS of what brand you have on. It's your personality, the love that you have for yourself that at anytime you can share with someone else who meets proper criteria. Oh, that's not it? Maybe it's just me. Moving on...
3. Ladies, why is it that we cannot celebrate another woman's successes or praise her for simply being beautiful. I have no problem admitting that a girl is doing her thing if she indeed is. If she doing something better than me, I can acknowledge that. I am no hater. Not bitter. Enjoy being in my own skin. Am confident in myself. And also know when I see a woman on her shit! What's the point of hating or looking down on her? Step YOUR game up....get on HER level. Stop being so damn bitter! You chicks kill me!
4. Stop trying to be the KING of your relationship. You cannot rule anyone. If a man is willing to stray, then either you haven't been doing what you are supposed to do, or he just isn't ready to be committed. Going through his phone, email, FB, Twitter all are signs of mistrust. If you don't trust him you don't need him! Do you seriously think that by NAGGING him about this girl or that girl or why he didn't answer your phone call are ways to get him to fall madly in love with you? I'll be the first to tell you it doesn't. It does, however, change a man....changes him into a man that doesn't wanna be bothered with you. A man who will never take you seriously or "wife" you. I am single and really cannot give extensive relationship advice. But I am single because I refuse to put up with the foolishness. Be a strong woman and walk away. If your relationship has more downs than ups, it's probably time to walk away. Remain a lady at ALL timems and in ALL you do! Act like a queen. Maybe your King will come around.
I have so much more to talk about with you, ladies. But for now I'll end here.
Be blessed.
K. Rod.
To be continued....
Untitled
So, let's consider this thing called love.
Love is patient, Love is kind, It does not envy, it does not boast, It is not proud, It is not rude, It is not self-seeking, It is not easily angered, It keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. Love never fails. (1 Corinthians 13:4)
So if the Bible gives us a clear cut, precise depiction of what love is, why do we, as humans, have such a difficult time defining and/or understanding it. I, myself, fit right into this group of people. Love is easy.....we make it hard. With all of our morals, different experiences, and different views in general, this generation is more confused than ever about true, unconditional love. We put up with behaviors that we normally wouldn't tolerate.....because we're "in love". We suffer hurts that are, though fixable, indescribably painful. Our judgment, when in love, is clouded. We put all of our time and energy into a person, with little regards to ourselves. In love.
I have my own descriptions of love. I cannot say for sure if I have ever experienced true romantic love, but I know that I unconditionally love myself, my family, my friends, and my Savior. My list of "true love" works in platonic and romantic situations. True love encompasses you.....takes you on a journey that you never want to end. True love does not hurt, make you sad, and is not depressing. True love is truly a celebration. It persists and is not afraid to scream at the top of the highest mountain that it exists. When it is there.....you know. It's like a feeling of floating. Going through life in a dream....True love is happy, content, overwhelming, authentic. With true love, there is no doubt. There is no ridicule or degradation....only reverence and respect. True love is......well, for lack of a better word....TRUE.
I can't help but wonder if true love is indeed reciprocated. I mean can one truly experience TRUE love if it is not reciprocated? It seems to me that TRUE love requires the warm feelings gained from GIVING and the joys of RECEIVING. I have analyzed and even researched it (the biologist in me), cried about it, and finally, prayed about it (BINGO!) Love is the most beautiful of dreams, and the worst of nightmares. While it is extremely rewarding, it is ridiculously tedious. Especially when you have given your heart to someone who you assume TRULY loved you as you them, and got hurt. But it is conquerable! One thing to remember, which is hard even for a smart woman like me, is that you cannot control one's actions in any relationship. You can only be held accountable for YOU. Y.O.U. That's it. You cannot prevent or avoid someone who would rather toy with your feelings than protect them. These people are roadblocks. People sent to misconstrue our perceptions about love. People who will look back on the situation after it has dissipated and recall how good you once were. And trust, they ALWAYS do.
Experiencing true love is truly loving yourself. Once you love yourself, it is much easier for someone else to love you. Conditional love of oneself is a prerequisite for loving someone else AND for someone else loving you. True love isn't impossible. It's very possible. But one must ensure that they, themself, are indeed ready for it. Because once it's there, you have no time for last minute preparations. When in doubt, look up.
Be blessed.
K. Rod.
Love is patient, Love is kind, It does not envy, it does not boast, It is not proud, It is not rude, It is not self-seeking, It is not easily angered, It keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. Love never fails. (1 Corinthians 13:4)
So if the Bible gives us a clear cut, precise depiction of what love is, why do we, as humans, have such a difficult time defining and/or understanding it. I, myself, fit right into this group of people. Love is easy.....we make it hard. With all of our morals, different experiences, and different views in general, this generation is more confused than ever about true, unconditional love. We put up with behaviors that we normally wouldn't tolerate.....because we're "in love". We suffer hurts that are, though fixable, indescribably painful. Our judgment, when in love, is clouded. We put all of our time and energy into a person, with little regards to ourselves. In love.
I have my own descriptions of love. I cannot say for sure if I have ever experienced true romantic love, but I know that I unconditionally love myself, my family, my friends, and my Savior. My list of "true love" works in platonic and romantic situations. True love encompasses you.....takes you on a journey that you never want to end. True love does not hurt, make you sad, and is not depressing. True love is truly a celebration. It persists and is not afraid to scream at the top of the highest mountain that it exists. When it is there.....you know. It's like a feeling of floating. Going through life in a dream....True love is happy, content, overwhelming, authentic. With true love, there is no doubt. There is no ridicule or degradation....only reverence and respect. True love is......well, for lack of a better word....TRUE.
I can't help but wonder if true love is indeed reciprocated. I mean can one truly experience TRUE love if it is not reciprocated? It seems to me that TRUE love requires the warm feelings gained from GIVING and the joys of RECEIVING. I have analyzed and even researched it (the biologist in me), cried about it, and finally, prayed about it (BINGO!) Love is the most beautiful of dreams, and the worst of nightmares. While it is extremely rewarding, it is ridiculously tedious. Especially when you have given your heart to someone who you assume TRULY loved you as you them, and got hurt. But it is conquerable! One thing to remember, which is hard even for a smart woman like me, is that you cannot control one's actions in any relationship. You can only be held accountable for YOU. Y.O.U. That's it. You cannot prevent or avoid someone who would rather toy with your feelings than protect them. These people are roadblocks. People sent to misconstrue our perceptions about love. People who will look back on the situation after it has dissipated and recall how good you once were. And trust, they ALWAYS do.
Experiencing true love is truly loving yourself. Once you love yourself, it is much easier for someone else to love you. Conditional love of oneself is a prerequisite for loving someone else AND for someone else loving you. True love isn't impossible. It's very possible. But one must ensure that they, themself, are indeed ready for it. Because once it's there, you have no time for last minute preparations. When in doubt, look up.
Be blessed.
K. Rod.
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