Being Single and Thanksgiving. #Random

Single.  What's so bad about that lil 6 letter word.  Just because I'm single does not mean that I can't FIND a man....in fact it means the OPPOSITE!  A man (that I want as well) has yet to find me.  People think that being single is all about having pity parties with girlfriends, eating ice cream, watching Waiting to Exhale, talking about how niggas ain't shit!  Naw, not at all.  I have been single since February 2009....no I decided to stop dealing with bullshit in February 2009.  I can have any man that I want, or at least I think I can, lol.  But instead, I use this time to 1) reflect, 2) learn more about myself, and 3) spend time with family and friends.

1.  Reflection

I'd sit around and (over) analyze what I did wrong in my 3 year relationship that brought it to its end.  I went over almost EVERY aspect of the relationship in my head trying to figure out where we went wrong.  I, as most women do, blamed myself.  And overtime, with some guidance from God, I started to realize that I, Kiah Shani, Rodriguez, did everything right!  Ok, maybe that's an over exaggeration, because I was still learning an some things weren't always done tastefully and with tact.  But I now know that I was not the cause of the break up.  I put in 110% (as I do with every relationship) and at the end of the day it was ultimately him that ended the relationship.  That is a strong statement.  It may not have been him as a person, but it was some quality he had or didn't have that led to the end.  SO what I did was reflect on myself.  Thinking of the different situations we went through and exploring other avenues I could have taken to handle them.  I put up with mad BS and I can't even explain why I stayed.  My reflection brought me to a clearly understanding of who I am and how I love. 

2. Learning

After almost 25 years on Earth, I am just NOW becoming to know myself.  I don't know what an ample amount of time is to learn yourself, but I think that's a pretty long time.  No regrets though.  My experiences brought me to this clearer understanding.  So here goes.  I am Kiah.  I am a Gemini and am learning to control my ugly side (hard work).  No one ever taught me how to love a man romantically or talked to me about sex and the feelings associated with it.  I learned what I know about relationships, life, and love from experiences of myself and people closest to me.  I don't look down on my parents for never having these important conversations with me, but I know what I would need to do with my daughter.  I love extremely hard!  I give my all to relationships and friendships and oftentimes I end up hurt because of that.  I have tried to give "less" of myself to people, but I can't.  That is just me.  I treat people how I want to be treated.  The Golden Rule.....We learn that in what? First grade?  If this makes me a bad person, then I apologize to those I've hurt or wronged along the way.  I am very impatient, but I'm working on it.  I hold made grudges, but I'm working on it (I reached out to my sis this month....haven't spoken to her in 2 years).  I am not perfect.  I'm not siddity.  I come from nothing.  Literally.  I love my family and the few friends that I have.  I'm working to secure a stable future for myself and my family.

3.  Spending Time

When you are in a relationship it is easy to get so lost in your partner that you forget everyone else.  I have been working on strengthening friendships and family ties.  After you've been hurt by your partner, all you have is friends and family.  And though YOU may not have reached out as much or you didn't notice their presence.....they were there all along!  Supporting you, not judging you, praying for you.  Family and friends will ALWAYS be there.  Waiting for you to come to your senses. 

With Thanksgiving tomorrow, it is only right that I say what I am thankful for.  today this guy was telling me that Thanksgiving is a joke because of it's historical background.  Blah. BLah. BLAH.  Thanksgiving is a time for reflection, learning, and spending time w/ family and friends.  Silly Rabbit!

I am thankful for:

Life.
Breath in my body.
Forgiveness.
Love. :)
Mercy.
Grace.
Friends (you know who you are)
Family (all ya'll!!!)
Opportunity.
Education.
My apartment.
My car.
My $.
My blessings.

Happy Thanksgiving.
Be Blessed.